27 May Fetish
Understand and Control your fetish
A man with a desire for a woman’s domination came to see me. He was concerned that in order for him to get sexually aroused and gain sexual gratification he needs to be humiliated, controlled and dominated. By exploring his subconscious thoughts, we realised that he actually needs to use this imagined or played out fantasy to feel as if the woman wants him to surrender to her dominant power. Fantasising that it is her very desire and he has no choice but to surrender to her control and domination. Feeling as if he is powerless and out of control, he cannot defend himself against her humiliation. He imagines that by satisfying her wishes, she’s pleased with him and so he’s now more desirable and hence wanted in her eyes. This temporary emotional state of increased self-value overrides his otherwise low self-worth and feelings of inadequacy.
Furthermore, as he surrenders under the force of the dominant woman, he imagines himself powerless in opposing her and giving away his power by surrendering to her will. This temporary state of surrender forces his subconscious to give, so he is able to consciously relax and let go. Which, for him, is difficult otherwise.
So why did he feel this urge do be dominated and humiliated in this way?
For many, having a fetish is a necessity for sexual gratification. They hold on to this way despite its negative adverse effects and unavoidable long term pain. A fetish is a symptom of deeper held issues.
Having successfully helped many people who have fetishes, I am driven by compassion to those in need of healing, who are obsessed and controlled by a fetish and who are desperate to become free from it. People who have developed a severe form of a fetish dependency, often suffer profoundly and in silence as this topic is often too shameful to voice.
There are various forms of fetichism. For example, feet and shoes, sheer stockings, rubber products such as raincoats, gloves, toilet articles, fur garments, underpants are very common sources of arousal for fetishists.
Some carry on their fetishism by themselves in secret by fondling, kissing, smelling sucking or merely gazing at the adored object as they masturbate. Others need their partner to do the fetish as a stimulant for intercourse.
Fetishists often have other sexual attractions such as pedophilia, sadism, exhibitionism, masochism, frotteurism and voyeurism.
What do people with fetishism share in common?
From my extensive practice in working with fetishisms, I repeatedly see that people with fetishism share the same issues and feelings of those with low self-confidence such as low self-esteem and self-worth, and difficulty forming close and intimate romantic relationships. In some cases, accompanied with erectile disfunction and depression.
What causes fetishism?
A fetish can be offset in a variety of ways usually stemming from childhood for example:
1. From a distorted parent – child relationship.
2. By seeing inappropriate sexual behaviour during childhood or sexual abuse.
3. From earlier traumas of separation and abandonment or shameful and humiliating experiences.
4. From character disorder.
5. In some cases, by being overly protected and dependent.
In all cases, fetishism is a way around the underlined subconscious defence from vulnerability, emotional intimacy and a direct connection with another.
For example, my client who wanted to be dominated, didn’t feel strong in being a man as his father was a weak role model. He was hurt by his mother and unprotected by his father, and he thus felt weak and inadequate. Being intimate with a powerful woman that dominated him, made him temporarily feel worthy, adequate and safe by having pleased her. This in turn helped him to bypass his subconscious defences agains sexual intimacy with a woman and gain relaxation for sexual arousal and gratification.
When is fetishism diagnosed as a disorder?
A fetishism is diagnosed as a sexual disorder when the fantasies, urges or behaviours involving the use of nonliving objects last at least six months and cause significant distress or impairment in social or occupational functioning.
Can you overcome a fetish alone?
Fetishism is run by your subconscious and is in most cases very difficult to change without specific treatment. I believe the only way is by healing your mind and soul. However, with willpower you can control your fetishes but they’ll always be there.
Can CBT or Psychotherapy help to overcome fetish?
From my experience, psychotherapy, CBT and other talking therapies are only helpful in bringing understanding and awareness about the fetish’s subconscious drives, however they are insufficient to make permanent changes if applied alone. This is because having conscious awareness of your subconscious drives and associations doesn’t change nor eliminate them.
Why consciousness awareness is not enough to overcome fetish?
Having a conscious awareness of your fetish subconscious, that is impulses, drives, association, equates to having, for example, an awareness of viruses on your computer hard drive. Your knowing about them doesn’t solve the problem. For this you must clear all the viruses to enable the work of the perfectly designed computer.
Equally, for you to be able to experience desirable changes in your behaviour, your fetish associations, conditioning, impressions, programs towards a sexual object must be reprogrammed and some ‘deleted’ in your subconscious mind.
Additionally, when treating a fetishism you must overcome all the subconscious defence mechanisms that are built there to protect you and are subverted into keeping your fetish in place.
My uniques approach to treating fetishism:
My unique approach to treating fetishism enables rapid and permanent changes in the neurological connections, conditioning, negative beliefs and patterns of thinking in both the conscious and subconscious mind. I have had great success in treating complex and remedial cases and have managed to help clients who have had years of unsuccessful psychotherapy alone.
Clients who have been treated successfully by me, have benefitted from my 3 pronged holistic, comprehensive and unique approach:
1. To understand about the subconscious drives, I integrate Psychoanalytic and CBT therapies.
2. To make changes in the subconscious, I apply Hypnotherapy and NLP.
3. To make changes on others levels such as genetics and past lives, I instill my healing abilities: Spiritual, Energy and Theta Healing techniques.
To overcome a fetish, one must eliminate or transformed all that feeds it.
Fetish treatment – the way forward
Out of control fetishes must be treated as they can adversely affect and sabotage your sexual, social and emotional functioning and damage relationships and your work performance. If you feel ready to make a change and get the professional treatment in overcoming a fetish, feel free to contact me via email to book an initial consultation session.